C-SPAN's Students and Leaders RNC Chairman Michael Steele
I spent a good five minutes looking for this video, because it touched me to find another person so honest about failure. Granted , I was not having a ball like he was, and I have not yet reached an enviable pinnacle of success that makes the telling of my failures basically mute, but still.
When I dropped out, I was crying on the phone when I had to tell my mom and shaking when I had to tell my dad. But I had the same determined as hell mom who would not let me "tun cruff". Sigh....just watch the video.
What was your experience like?
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Micheal Mayson in "Black White Other: Biracial Americans Talk About Race and Identity"
This is an excerpt, taken from Micheal Mayson, who is featured in "Black White Other: Biracial Americans Talk About Race and Identity" by Lise Funderburg:
" After High school, I wanted to be a doctor, for a lot of different reasons...but my mind wasn't sophisticated enough to process all that, so I went to the University of Michigan and pursued my medical career, and I didn’t make it very far.
I didn’t make it very far for a lot of reasons. One was because, I didn’t know it at the time, some people suspected it, but I was probably in the middle stages of...alcoholism, and two, because I wasn’t ready. This was the world, University of Michigan was the world, and there were a whole lot of white people up there who didn’t give a fuck about anything other than going to class and getting their grades. Not that there's anything wrong with that , but I was still into being a little social boy, and there’s no time to be social when chem 123 and math 113 are knocking you on your [ expletive] butt.
You got time to crack your book, eat some lunch, crack your book, eat some dinner, crack you book, and maybe go to sleep. So to make a long story even longer , my grades started really [ expletive] up and I started [ expletive] up and the worse my academic career got was inversely proportional to my drinking career.
By the first semester of my third year, I was kicked out. I just squeaked past my first year; I think I had a 1.99 first semester, and was put on academic probation. Shocked the [ expletive] out of me, because I’d always done B work, without working, so to work my ass off and get a 1.9-Yo!". ( Funderburg 230-231).
Despite the fact that nearly 1/3 of freshman drop out of college, and about half don’t graduate at all ( let alone on time) it is still a challenge to find stories about their experiences. The image is always of the college graduate, never the college dropout.
Despite his big dreams, he realizes to late that he was taking on a little too much to chew. Unprepared for the academic commitment, he flunks out, and starts a downward spiral of alcohol, depression and low grades. Many reading this would be surprised at how many kids leave college alcoholics. How he rides the wave of academic probation is a mystery for me. I either flunk out or get top grades. It has caused me ALOT of pain....
For many, college is a social experience. The first taste of freedom, little supervision and self-determination. However, The incredible focus and dedication in High School rarely carries over to college, where it is most needed. I remember my parents dropping me off at college and my mother asking why so many kids were walking around so late at night. My father replies "where some of these kids are from, their parents don't let them walk around at all". That's just how it is....
To quote Mr.Mayson:
"You got time to crack your book, eat some lunch, crack your book, eat some dinner, crack you book, and maybe go to sleep"
I think I will write that in big letters and put it on my wall...
" After High school, I wanted to be a doctor, for a lot of different reasons...but my mind wasn't sophisticated enough to process all that, so I went to the University of Michigan and pursued my medical career, and I didn’t make it very far.
I didn’t make it very far for a lot of reasons. One was because, I didn’t know it at the time, some people suspected it, but I was probably in the middle stages of...alcoholism, and two, because I wasn’t ready. This was the world, University of Michigan was the world, and there were a whole lot of white people up there who didn’t give a fuck about anything other than going to class and getting their grades. Not that there's anything wrong with that , but I was still into being a little social boy, and there’s no time to be social when chem 123 and math 113 are knocking you on your [ expletive] butt.
You got time to crack your book, eat some lunch, crack your book, eat some dinner, crack you book, and maybe go to sleep. So to make a long story even longer , my grades started really [ expletive] up and I started [ expletive] up and the worse my academic career got was inversely proportional to my drinking career.
By the first semester of my third year, I was kicked out. I just squeaked past my first year; I think I had a 1.99 first semester, and was put on academic probation. Shocked the [ expletive] out of me, because I’d always done B work, without working, so to work my ass off and get a 1.9-Yo!". ( Funderburg 230-231).
Despite the fact that nearly 1/3 of freshman drop out of college, and about half don’t graduate at all ( let alone on time) it is still a challenge to find stories about their experiences. The image is always of the college graduate, never the college dropout.
Despite his big dreams, he realizes to late that he was taking on a little too much to chew. Unprepared for the academic commitment, he flunks out, and starts a downward spiral of alcohol, depression and low grades. Many reading this would be surprised at how many kids leave college alcoholics. How he rides the wave of academic probation is a mystery for me. I either flunk out or get top grades. It has caused me ALOT of pain....
For many, college is a social experience. The first taste of freedom, little supervision and self-determination. However, The incredible focus and dedication in High School rarely carries over to college, where it is most needed. I remember my parents dropping me off at college and my mother asking why so many kids were walking around so late at night. My father replies "where some of these kids are from, their parents don't let them walk around at all". That's just how it is....
To quote Mr.Mayson:
"You got time to crack your book, eat some lunch, crack your book, eat some dinner, crack you book, and maybe go to sleep"
I think I will write that in big letters and put it on my wall...
IPOAE- Imagination
I like using my challenges to keep me focused, but sometimes I like to day dream and keep my life and future. Here is a glimpse:
I imagine I am a Pharmacy student. I study diligently. I do not worry about the cost of school because I have secured a scholarship, generous grants and am eligible for a small part-time student job. On good terms with my professors, I do specific research under one of them.
My slim, well dressed frame and long black hair shimmer in the sunlight of the Library, where I am seen studying for class and using resources for my pharmacy research grant. Occasionally I can be seen walking on the beautiful Woof University main campus or in the student union, but If I am not in the library then I am in the lab.
I stay in shape by dancing, exercising in my single-bed dorm room, or I take the time to swim in the gym. I have mastered the art of the "student meal plan diet" and have managed to keep weight off despite high stress levels. I have made new friends and spend what time I can with them. I have accomplished a goal of learning how to drive the buses at Woof University, something I have wanted to do on this huge campus since I was a freshman many years ago.
As a member of Rho Chi and SNPha, I excell as a student. I have secured a summer internship at a company I would like to work for, knowing darn well my future job depends on the " Who, what, when, where, why and How" of my internships.
Every day I eat right, study and go to class without fail. My grades show my effort and I keep my anxiety in check. I am an unbelievable success story. Having failed college, I am now a member of the Woof University class of 2020, perusing the joint Pharm.D /MBA program. It wasn't easy, I had to learn the hard way how to be a responsible student. If you aren't among the best, you are wasting your time and money in school.
I feel happy with myself. In my late 20's, I finally have my shit together. I have the college experience I always desired ( scholarships, distinctions and opportunities) and a bright future ahead with as a Doctor of Pharmacy and Master of Business Administration . I want to work in industry, a hospital or academia but who know what will happen!?
I imagine I am a Pharmacy student. I study diligently. I do not worry about the cost of school because I have secured a scholarship, generous grants and am eligible for a small part-time student job. On good terms with my professors, I do specific research under one of them.
My slim, well dressed frame and long black hair shimmer in the sunlight of the Library, where I am seen studying for class and using resources for my pharmacy research grant. Occasionally I can be seen walking on the beautiful Woof University main campus or in the student union, but If I am not in the library then I am in the lab.
I stay in shape by dancing, exercising in my single-bed dorm room, or I take the time to swim in the gym. I have mastered the art of the "student meal plan diet" and have managed to keep weight off despite high stress levels. I have made new friends and spend what time I can with them. I have accomplished a goal of learning how to drive the buses at Woof University, something I have wanted to do on this huge campus since I was a freshman many years ago.
As a member of Rho Chi and SNPha, I excell as a student. I have secured a summer internship at a company I would like to work for, knowing darn well my future job depends on the " Who, what, when, where, why and How" of my internships.
Every day I eat right, study and go to class without fail. My grades show my effort and I keep my anxiety in check. I am an unbelievable success story. Having failed college, I am now a member of the Woof University class of 2020, perusing the joint Pharm.D /MBA program. It wasn't easy, I had to learn the hard way how to be a responsible student. If you aren't among the best, you are wasting your time and money in school.
I feel happy with myself. In my late 20's, I finally have my shit together. I have the college experience I always desired ( scholarships, distinctions and opportunities) and a bright future ahead with as a Doctor of Pharmacy and Master of Business Administration . I want to work in industry, a hospital or academia but who know what will happen!?
Why Pharmacy School ?
I am debating in my head why I have a fixation on pharmacy school.
Especially since, the demands on me academically are treacherous and I have never shown any particular interest in medicine beyond "well, look at how interesting that is".
I don't read medical journals, I don't think about medicine, I don't frequent blogs or sites about pharmacy.
I worry If I am confusing image with reality.
I want to be the person I imagined I would be many years ago, as a High School graduate. If you asked me at 18 what my 20's would be like, I would have said I would be prosperous, with a job , a car and my own apartment all paid for with my own money. I would be "the miracle", the kid who wasn't suppose to make it but did. I could see myself sitting behind a wooden desk, smiling into the camera as I have my picture taken for a generic article " urban/woman success" or something like that.
If you told me I would be a two time college drop out with a GPA I never know existed, I would have considered you evil.
Freshman year of college I had dreams of getting into the honors program, dean's list, graduating with cum laude designations, and getting into a national honor society. I would spend hours on WoffU's website, digging and emailing people about special programs. I fell for the smiling faces, welcoming pictures of paternalistic teachers.I still do that now actually...
I would make up for the shame I felt at being a good student in HS, but never once going to the First Students breakfast or getting into Nat'l honors Society . I never got a golden cord at my HS graduation. . ( I did make honor roll numerous times however ).
I never knew students could fail classes. I just never understood students could dropout of college . That you could not return because you don't have anymore money. In my world, ppl just went to school, worked hard, and everything else would fall into place. The school looked out for students, who were valuable in that they paid tuition and did work. I never knew any high school drop outs. That shit happened to other people who were just stupid, lazy or had parents who "didn't care enough".
Symptoms of a protected childhood I guess....
So I want a do over!! I want to go to pharmacy school. I think that's it.
Mom warned me how hard pharm school would be, but I want to give myself the chance to see if I COULD make it. Do I have my shit together enough to give it an honest go?
The nice thing about Pharm school is that it's competitive and admission is restricted to students who pass about two years of math and science classes plus a national exam, so you have a strong idea about what its like going into it.
You cannot choose pharmacy school and NOT know what you are getting into. Unlike the mess I brought on myself switching majors so often I failed out of school because I didn't really know what I was getting myself into.
So If I gush about pharmacy school on this blog and then seem suddenly cold, you know why.
=D
I am trying,
M.Fallen
Especially since, the demands on me academically are treacherous and I have never shown any particular interest in medicine beyond "well, look at how interesting that is".
I don't read medical journals, I don't think about medicine, I don't frequent blogs or sites about pharmacy.
I worry If I am confusing image with reality.
I want to be the person I imagined I would be many years ago, as a High School graduate. If you asked me at 18 what my 20's would be like, I would have said I would be prosperous, with a job , a car and my own apartment all paid for with my own money. I would be "the miracle", the kid who wasn't suppose to make it but did. I could see myself sitting behind a wooden desk, smiling into the camera as I have my picture taken for a generic article " urban/woman success" or something like that.
If you told me I would be a two time college drop out with a GPA I never know existed, I would have considered you evil.
Freshman year of college I had dreams of getting into the honors program, dean's list, graduating with cum laude designations, and getting into a national honor society. I would spend hours on WoffU's website, digging and emailing people about special programs. I fell for the smiling faces, welcoming pictures of paternalistic teachers.I still do that now actually...
I would make up for the shame I felt at being a good student in HS, but never once going to the First Students breakfast or getting into Nat'l honors Society . I never got a golden cord at my HS graduation. . ( I did make honor roll numerous times however ).
I never knew students could fail classes. I just never understood students could dropout of college . That you could not return because you don't have anymore money. In my world, ppl just went to school, worked hard, and everything else would fall into place. The school looked out for students, who were valuable in that they paid tuition and did work. I never knew any high school drop outs. That shit happened to other people who were just stupid, lazy or had parents who "didn't care enough".
Symptoms of a protected childhood I guess....
So I want a do over!! I want to go to pharmacy school. I think that's it.
Mom warned me how hard pharm school would be, but I want to give myself the chance to see if I COULD make it. Do I have my shit together enough to give it an honest go?
The nice thing about Pharm school is that it's competitive and admission is restricted to students who pass about two years of math and science classes plus a national exam, so you have a strong idea about what its like going into it.
You cannot choose pharmacy school and NOT know what you are getting into. Unlike the mess I brought on myself switching majors so often I failed out of school because I didn't really know what I was getting myself into.
So If I gush about pharmacy school on this blog and then seem suddenly cold, you know why.
=D
I am trying,
M.Fallen
Envy leads to a Do Over
She was a random friend I met. Foreign Language Class I was taking for self enrichment. Same Dorm . Good buddy. Studied hard.
I always manage to find people who are excellent students. Nerds gravitate towards me. Dunno why.
As I got to know her, I was impressed with her work ethic. She invited me to her dorm room to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion show. As I entered her room, she was studying. When we would walk from class, she was reciting her speech for Public Speaking 101. She always seemed to score A's on tests. It seemed almost natural, until I saw it up close and personal.
I slowly put the pieces together. She was an honors student. At least two days a week she research that she called a "job", telling me " Its not busy work...more like original research". She was a member of an honor society, I found out as she would complain to me how she hated having to tutor as part of membership. She had a PAID internship- about 30,000 each summer, which I found out at dinner when a stranger decided to join us and flirt up the table. Not only that, but when "Woof" University sends a mass email telling us about tuition increases, she said she could care less, she was going for a scholarship that would cover the increase and then some. She got it.
Her gift is what made the most sense
Weeks before Christmas break, she tells me she has bought a computer for her family. The extra money came from a research grant she had received and if she didn't use all the money they would take it away. So why not buy a computer as a family gift? Did I tell you this girl isn't christian?
I WAS ENVIOUS!!
Not petty envious. Not " I can't stand her guts" envious. Just sad and confused. My family could really use a computer. My mom could really use a break from paying my tuition. I need a new cell phone and some money for my bank account.I am perpetually broke.
She inspired me, look at all I could get if I just studied more. A scholarship, research grants, honor society member ships...perhaps a paid internship if I changed my major to something I actually like and is useful.
Like many college drop outs, I want a "DO OVER". I want the chance to prove I can be among the best students, ever since I graduated High school. You probably do too. You probably know students just like the one I am describing, and they are inspiring. I want you to be more inspired than I am, and to make your own list of improvements to your education. Here is mine:
My list of improvement:
1. Attain a scholarhship - cut down on cost of college
2. Determine research interests - perhaps do original research
3. Secure a paid internship in field of interest - make money, feel like an adult
4. Learn to study well and pass exams - to gain all my goals
5. Join the "3.0 Society"- Raise my Cumulative GPA to a 3.0 and maintain higher for my major.
My friend recently graduated from college (in four years) and has great paying work at a major corporation. All that hard work paid off handsomely and I wish her the best in the future, as I do you!!
I always manage to find people who are excellent students. Nerds gravitate towards me. Dunno why.
As I got to know her, I was impressed with her work ethic. She invited me to her dorm room to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion show. As I entered her room, she was studying. When we would walk from class, she was reciting her speech for Public Speaking 101. She always seemed to score A's on tests. It seemed almost natural, until I saw it up close and personal.
I slowly put the pieces together. She was an honors student. At least two days a week she research that she called a "job", telling me " Its not busy work...more like original research". She was a member of an honor society, I found out as she would complain to me how she hated having to tutor as part of membership. She had a PAID internship- about 30,000 each summer, which I found out at dinner when a stranger decided to join us and flirt up the table. Not only that, but when "Woof" University sends a mass email telling us about tuition increases, she said she could care less, she was going for a scholarship that would cover the increase and then some. She got it.
Her gift is what made the most sense
Weeks before Christmas break, she tells me she has bought a computer for her family. The extra money came from a research grant she had received and if she didn't use all the money they would take it away. So why not buy a computer as a family gift? Did I tell you this girl isn't christian?
I WAS ENVIOUS!!
Not petty envious. Not " I can't stand her guts" envious. Just sad and confused. My family could really use a computer. My mom could really use a break from paying my tuition. I need a new cell phone and some money for my bank account.I am perpetually broke.
She inspired me, look at all I could get if I just studied more. A scholarship, research grants, honor society member ships...perhaps a paid internship if I changed my major to something I actually like and is useful.
Like many college drop outs, I want a "DO OVER". I want the chance to prove I can be among the best students, ever since I graduated High school. You probably do too. You probably know students just like the one I am describing, and they are inspiring. I want you to be more inspired than I am, and to make your own list of improvements to your education. Here is mine:
My list of improvement:
1. Attain a scholarhship - cut down on cost of college
2. Determine research interests - perhaps do original research
3. Secure a paid internship in field of interest - make money, feel like an adult
4. Learn to study well and pass exams - to gain all my goals
5. Join the "3.0 Society"- Raise my Cumulative GPA to a 3.0 and maintain higher for my major.
My friend recently graduated from college (in four years) and has great paying work at a major corporation. All that hard work paid off handsomely and I wish her the best in the future, as I do you!!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Moving Forward.
I enjoy business alot.
Even considered majoring in it.
What I realized only later on, is that a business degree does not teach you how to run a business.
You need marketable skills to do that. A business degree only teaches you how to work for another person.
As much as I want to , I dont think I have it in me to start my own business. I would be too concerned about pressing issues like...money.
You are an entrePOORnuer before you are an entreprenuer!
My goal now is to learn a marketable skill. Maybe then go into business.And that skill might as well be in the science/medical field. My other love/hate relationship.
Even considered majoring in it.
What I realized only later on, is that a business degree does not teach you how to run a business.
You need marketable skills to do that. A business degree only teaches you how to work for another person.
As much as I want to , I dont think I have it in me to start my own business. I would be too concerned about pressing issues like...money.
You are an entrePOORnuer before you are an entreprenuer!
My goal now is to learn a marketable skill. Maybe then go into business.And that skill might as well be in the science/medical field. My other love/hate relationship.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Time flies when not paying attention
I have more to write about in terms of school, culture and volunteering. getting my feet on the ground in terms of growing up and working. More details soon too come!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)