Self Loathing Life of Fresh Air

Hey Readers,

Usually, I spend afew days in self loathing when I have to deal with the reality of being back home. I need afew days to unwind, and then I make sense of where I am. I am back to life BEFORE college, when there were limits to where I could be, who I could hang with and what I could experience. I left college with better thinking skills to apply to this boring old world I thougth I would never see again after I finished school. I spend more time thinking about where my life should head. Nothing happens without deliberate thought and action.

I feel good when the doubt goes away. When I feel less alone. It puts me less in the spot light. I am adjusting to different expectations.

I do not blog about my political affiliations, opinions , bias or much personal info because my goal is to have this blog be a resource to anyone who needs it. LIKE any normal person, I have issues, You got issues.....we got issues ( what song is that lyric from again!?).

Do I feel special because I am a college drop out who is STILL trying to get a bachelors degree? Who is so ambitious as to start planning for professional school even before proving to many doubting advisers that "yes, I can pass classes with at least a B + average". I haven't even shared with my new adviser that I want to be a pharmacy major ( or enter science). She is still scared I will fail out again. Darn.....

I wish I could fault them. I wish I could just say...they are biased. But I have a negative history. Ppl have many reasons to doubt me, and I am very responsible for making my life harder than I want it to be. Through pure naivety. I cant wait until this time next year when I have afew semesters of good performance under my belt.

Enough Guilt trip, I am here to write so you know I am not away , I think about you all the time, and I have plenty of stories to share once I am done with school and can edit/post them. I am seriously considering renaming my blog, since I realized many ppl have the same title but cover totally different topics than I do. This is a blog reaching out to college drop outs. I need some idea's!!! We are special. We need a special blog name that gets to the point.


I am not dead...yet,
Meranda Fallen.