Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Have A Vision for Yourself!
Do you have a vision for yourself? What is it? Do you feel it every day? Do you imagine it in your head? How you learn to manage your expectations and still keep focused is a skill. Vision is so important for college and beyond, especially for us "re-entrants" ( perhaps this will be the new term for us). We know what we would have done, if we could do it over. But its OVER. I want to encourage you, whatever you do , bring vision and confidence into your actions. Despite fear and rejection, think of the future and push, push, push. How can you combine your changing interests into a coherent plan? Who have you talked to that can help? Do you stay in contact with them? Hope so... Proud Of You All, Meranda Fallen. Also, I am looking to rename the blog soon....what do ya'll like? "Dropping Back in: A resource for Academic Re-Entrants" ( Very formal,but gets to the point). "Dropping Back in: A place to go after a brush with college" ( haha , get it , brush with danger). "Dropping Back in: A healing place after an academic dismissal" ( Sound folksy? You betcha, but this really is a place to re-motivate and heal. It is also abit comical. I don't think non-drop outs would get why we need to heal.) I love the dynamics of "Dropping Back In" (suggested by Vu* of http://howvuviewsit.blogspot.com/) because that's pretty much what we do. We drop out and then find ourselves back in college or some other educational institution. Yours Truly has been back in college twice, so it fits . *Ironically, Vu is an "A" student who just finished his CPA ( Certified Public Accountant ) exam.....go figure! Congrats Vu! He has a nice blog and can speak French, so go look at it!!! =D
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Creating the Life I want...Providing for it.
The life I want is completely different from the life I lead.
At times, I worry, once I can afford the life I want, will I be too old to enjoy it?
Will my friends have moved on? Will they get married? Will my youth pass me by, and I enter adulthood right when I'm ready to be a kid? I mean a big kid. I mean a kid with no concerns beyond bills to be paid and work to be done. Will anyone I know be there to enjoy it with me? Will I have to make brand new friends? Will I ever find the kind of intimacy reserved for long time friends who grow up together?
It never really occurred to me until now ( I mean, within the last few years) that I am not like others. My life is different, and I guess I am a part of a new "Mainstream". The kids who stayed home on weekends, who didn't go outside when it was dark, Who didn't do sleep overs, go to the beach or enjoy the company of family and friends.
In a way, isolated.
But things get so much better when I focus. I read a wonderful post on
Quarter Life Crisis from another young person in my boat. Then I'm not so mad, sad, angry,depressed anymore. I feel more hopeful.
Life is NOT so bad,
Meranda F
But things get so much better when I focus. I read a wonderful post on
Quarter Life Crisis from another young person in my boat. Then I'm not so mad, sad, angry,depressed anymore. I feel more hopeful.
Life is NOT so bad,
Meranda F
Monday, October 25, 2010
Feeling MIGHTY embarrassed
Feeling MIGHTY embarrassed
my teacher told me today he doesn't add students to his facebook account.
Why did I even bring it up!!!
arggghhhh..........
Embarrassed,
Meranda Fallen.
my teacher told me today he doesn't add students to his facebook account.
Why did I even bring it up!!!
arggghhhh..........
Embarrassed,
Meranda Fallen.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Volunteering Semi -Disaster
Hello All!
I got around to volunteering! Showing some spirit, doing the community justice....building my sparse resume....
I remember the constant pressure to volunteer when I was in secondary school. Unable to find real opportunities, I ended up convincing the secretary at my local library to let me stock books and have that count as volunteer work. I was desperate for it to be over, even asking her when I was done for the day after 15 minutes! I will never forget her response
" You know, Meranda, when you get to the real world you cant keep asking when you can leave". I was so amused!
Flash forward many years,
I get an email that WoofU branch campus is holding a health fair, and that volunteers are very welcome. I say "hooray, an opportunity". I agree to give up all my free period hours for the day, I had images in my head of directing students and being the smiling face that makes ppl feel welcome, know where they are and that everything is gonna be fun fun fun!
I expected some of the fun fun fun for myself too, don't ya know.
First things first, whenever you volunteer, make ideally sure you know what you are doing. Make sure you know where it is and that you show up early. Make sure you know what to wear. Big mistakes I made.
Figuring this would be a teen/undergrad conference ( and not a "trying to push products in the name of health") I showed up in dark jeans, black sneakers, and a bright blue shirt. Bad Idea, when I walked up and told them I was a volunteer, I got this strange look of horror. Then I was direct to this lady who was suppose to "help me find a badge". It took her about a half hour to do so. Then her latchkey boy decides to recruit me for water and drink dispersion ( going around the tables and asking if anyone wanted water or fruit punch). Next, I get a handful of flyer's and am told to hand them out in the student cafe. Far away from the event in the next building.
I have never felt so happy to be in class taking notes in a long while! After class I decided against going back . Not even a free lunch was enough to encourage me. I felt like an unwanted problem the entire day! I felt messy. I felt ashamed of myself, knowing darn well if I was paid they could fire me for being a "no- show" to the second part of the event. What would a professional do!? Not quit. I felt SOOOOO alone.
Looking back, this is what I could have done better:
1. Understood the ins and outs of the event. Leave nothing to imagination. I was surprised by how upscale it was. All I saw were companies trying to sell there pseudo health crap (Reiki massage anyone)? And overpriced "health food".
2. Asked ahead of time exactly what "Directing ppl" meant. I assumed I would be sitting behind a desk or greeting. They had me handing out water and flyer's.
3. Asked what the dress code was ( that question was in the back of my mind, but I figure causal since they never said anything different). This , I believe, was the major reason ppl seemed so uncomfortable with me there. I was VERY under dressed.
4. Perhaps I should have called ahead of time too. I never actually met the person who was recruiting me.
I hope the next time is better,
Meranda Fallen
I got around to volunteering! Showing some spirit, doing the community justice....building my sparse resume....
I remember the constant pressure to volunteer when I was in secondary school. Unable to find real opportunities, I ended up convincing the secretary at my local library to let me stock books and have that count as volunteer work. I was desperate for it to be over, even asking her when I was done for the day after 15 minutes! I will never forget her response
" You know, Meranda, when you get to the real world you cant keep asking when you can leave". I was so amused!
Flash forward many years,
I get an email that WoofU branch campus is holding a health fair, and that volunteers are very welcome. I say "hooray, an opportunity". I agree to give up all my free period hours for the day, I had images in my head of directing students and being the smiling face that makes ppl feel welcome, know where they are and that everything is gonna be fun fun fun!
I expected some of the fun fun fun for myself too, don't ya know.
First things first, whenever you volunteer, make ideally sure you know what you are doing. Make sure you know where it is and that you show up early. Make sure you know what to wear. Big mistakes I made.
Figuring this would be a teen/undergrad conference ( and not a "trying to push products in the name of health") I showed up in dark jeans, black sneakers, and a bright blue shirt. Bad Idea, when I walked up and told them I was a volunteer, I got this strange look of horror. Then I was direct to this lady who was suppose to "help me find a badge". It took her about a half hour to do so. Then her latchkey boy decides to recruit me for water and drink dispersion ( going around the tables and asking if anyone wanted water or fruit punch). Next, I get a handful of flyer's and am told to hand them out in the student cafe. Far away from the event in the next building.
I have never felt so happy to be in class taking notes in a long while! After class I decided against going back . Not even a free lunch was enough to encourage me. I felt like an unwanted problem the entire day! I felt messy. I felt ashamed of myself, knowing darn well if I was paid they could fire me for being a "no- show" to the second part of the event. What would a professional do!? Not quit. I felt SOOOOO alone.
Looking back, this is what I could have done better:
1. Understood the ins and outs of the event. Leave nothing to imagination. I was surprised by how upscale it was. All I saw were companies trying to sell there pseudo health crap (Reiki massage anyone)? And overpriced "health food".
2. Asked ahead of time exactly what "Directing ppl" meant. I assumed I would be sitting behind a desk or greeting. They had me handing out water and flyer's.
3. Asked what the dress code was ( that question was in the back of my mind, but I figure causal since they never said anything different). This , I believe, was the major reason ppl seemed so uncomfortable with me there. I was VERY under dressed.
4. Perhaps I should have called ahead of time too. I never actually met the person who was recruiting me.
I hope the next time is better,
Meranda Fallen
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Liberal Artsy Anyone
I am currently a business major.
I am considering a health science ( pharmacy) after business.
I used to be an anthropology major
Later switched to speech pathologist.
I once considered Engineering.
Wonder if I would have been happier with a Liberal Art/ math (or Science) double major.
There were so many different paths I could have taken. If I could do it over again, I think I would have stayed with my Anthropology major but added a mathematical/statistics major as well. Then continued my education to the graduate level. This is what I tell anyone who wants to major in a liberal art. Pair it with something and plan on graduate school. Get ALOT of experience early. Know what you want and always keep your ears on the ground.
For some reason, a four year degree is a small stepping stone. Most majors do not lead directly to jobs. Competition is fierce. Its not just getting good grades and being a good citizen. If you are not among the best students in your department, It can be argued you are worse off for staying in college. Not that college is a bad decision, but the rewards may not pan out the way you expected.
If I had better guidance earlier on, maybe I would have graduated on time. Maybe I would be employed. Perhaps I could look back and smile when I think about college. Maybe I would have the life I imagined I would have. Maybe I would have long awaited independence. Perhaps I would feel a level of personal success at a young age. I'm tired of being a student. I want to eat , drink, fuck , laugh, dance and be with old friends. Is that TOO much to ask?
Speech pathology would have been a great field If If knew what I was getting myself into.
I decided against it because I am not competitive enough to get into graduate school ( necessary for the license needed to work). Anthropology would require a PH.D to pursue. Statistics would require about two years of foundation math classes. Pharmacy is the same thing, about two years of foundation science classes for a vague chance at going to pharmacy school. I am rethinking statistics.
The reality is that I may be in school alot longer in order to study something I enjoy. My goals are to find an affordable way to do that. I resent it, I am mad, but I am also okay with it IF I can be alittle more independent as well. I am trying to find ways to build on my skills ( start where you are strong) instead of starting over. So my advisor recommends accounting or finance. I question both....wish I had someone to explain my options to me.
But who knows,
Meranda Fallen
I am considering a health science ( pharmacy) after business.
I used to be an anthropology major
Later switched to speech pathologist.
I once considered Engineering.
Wonder if I would have been happier with a Liberal Art/ math (or Science) double major.
There were so many different paths I could have taken. If I could do it over again, I think I would have stayed with my Anthropology major but added a mathematical/statistics major as well. Then continued my education to the graduate level. This is what I tell anyone who wants to major in a liberal art. Pair it with something and plan on graduate school. Get ALOT of experience early. Know what you want and always keep your ears on the ground.
For some reason, a four year degree is a small stepping stone. Most majors do not lead directly to jobs. Competition is fierce. Its not just getting good grades and being a good citizen. If you are not among the best students in your department, It can be argued you are worse off for staying in college. Not that college is a bad decision, but the rewards may not pan out the way you expected.
If I had better guidance earlier on, maybe I would have graduated on time. Maybe I would be employed. Perhaps I could look back and smile when I think about college. Maybe I would have the life I imagined I would have. Maybe I would have long awaited independence. Perhaps I would feel a level of personal success at a young age. I'm tired of being a student. I want to eat , drink, fuck , laugh, dance and be with old friends. Is that TOO much to ask?
Speech pathology would have been a great field If If knew what I was getting myself into.
I decided against it because I am not competitive enough to get into graduate school ( necessary for the license needed to work). Anthropology would require a PH.D to pursue. Statistics would require about two years of foundation math classes. Pharmacy is the same thing, about two years of foundation science classes for a vague chance at going to pharmacy school. I am rethinking statistics.
The reality is that I may be in school alot longer in order to study something I enjoy. My goals are to find an affordable way to do that. I resent it, I am mad, but I am also okay with it IF I can be alittle more independent as well. I am trying to find ways to build on my skills ( start where you are strong) instead of starting over. So my advisor recommends accounting or finance. I question both....wish I had someone to explain my options to me.
But who knows,
Meranda Fallen
Are you better off Now, after all that college?
What would you do if you found out you would be no better off after college than if you had never gone?
As a Drop out turned full-time student, this is what I wake up to . I still have an opportunity to change the course of things, perhaps move out by the time I graduate from school, but I am in shock at how I ended up here after three years of college already.
Many students who have already graduated feel this pain everyday. Some graduates have been asking what to do now if they didn't have internships, a 3.5 GPA and great recommendations from professors . They are at home, sitting.
As a Drop out turned full-time student, this is what I wake up to . I still have an opportunity to change the course of things, perhaps move out by the time I graduate from school, but I am in shock at how I ended up here after three years of college already.
Many students who have already graduated feel this pain everyday. Some graduates have been asking what to do now if they didn't have internships, a 3.5 GPA and great recommendations from professors . They are at home, sitting.
Some Teens I know are getting ready for college. I want to take them aside so badly and say "Don't end up like me. I know everyone tells you how good I am like they know me, but I FUCKED UP". I want to have long conversations on the phone about school and life and lay into them that indecision is more risky the older you get. College is only four years, if you do it right you may not have to go back to school if you don't want to. Plan for life AFTER college and you can have all the fun you want later. Plus, money. Make good use of whatever major you choose, but choose wisely. It is hard to rebound. Be ultra competitive academically and get in touch with the leadership of your school. Work with those who will help you. Chose tenured professors over adjuncts to build recommendations and resumes.
But I cant. I'm still embarrassed about sitting at home, plus going to college a year after I was suppose to graduate. Maybe that's you too? Have you thought about or do you know someone who is NOT living life after college? What did you do, or what are you doing now? What advice would you give to teens?
What to do , what to do?
Meranda Fallen
Friday, October 8, 2010
Self Loathing Life of Fresh Air
Hey Readers,
Usually, I spend afew days in self loathing when I have to deal with the reality of being back home. I need afew days to unwind, and then I make sense of where I am. I am back to life BEFORE college, when there were limits to where I could be, who I could hang with and what I could experience. I left college with better thinking skills to apply to this boring old world I thougth I would never see again after I finished school. I spend more time thinking about where my life should head. Nothing happens without deliberate thought and action.
I feel good when the doubt goes away. When I feel less alone. It puts me less in the spot light. I am adjusting to different expectations.
I do not blog about my political affiliations, opinions , bias or much personal info because my goal is to have this blog be a resource to anyone who needs it. LIKE any normal person, I have issues, You got issues.....we got issues ( what song is that lyric from again!?).
Do I feel special because I am a college drop out who is STILL trying to get a bachelors degree? Who is so ambitious as to start planning for professional school even before proving to many doubting advisers that "yes, I can pass classes with at least a B + average". I haven't even shared with my new adviser that I want to be a pharmacy major ( or enter science). She is still scared I will fail out again. Darn.....
I wish I could fault them. I wish I could just say...they are biased. But I have a negative history. Ppl have many reasons to doubt me, and I am very responsible for making my life harder than I want it to be. Through pure naivety. I cant wait until this time next year when I have afew semesters of good performance under my belt.
Enough Guilt trip, I am here to write so you know I am not away , I think about you all the time, and I have plenty of stories to share once I am done with school and can edit/post them. I am seriously considering renaming my blog, since I realized many ppl have the same title but cover totally different topics than I do. This is a blog reaching out to college drop outs. I need some idea's!!! We are special. We need a special blog name that gets to the point.
I am not dead...yet,
Meranda Fallen.
Usually, I spend afew days in self loathing when I have to deal with the reality of being back home. I need afew days to unwind, and then I make sense of where I am. I am back to life BEFORE college, when there were limits to where I could be, who I could hang with and what I could experience. I left college with better thinking skills to apply to this boring old world I thougth I would never see again after I finished school. I spend more time thinking about where my life should head. Nothing happens without deliberate thought and action.
I feel good when the doubt goes away. When I feel less alone. It puts me less in the spot light. I am adjusting to different expectations.
I do not blog about my political affiliations, opinions , bias or much personal info because my goal is to have this blog be a resource to anyone who needs it. LIKE any normal person, I have issues, You got issues.....we got issues ( what song is that lyric from again!?).
Do I feel special because I am a college drop out who is STILL trying to get a bachelors degree? Who is so ambitious as to start planning for professional school even before proving to many doubting advisers that "yes, I can pass classes with at least a B + average". I haven't even shared with my new adviser that I want to be a pharmacy major ( or enter science). She is still scared I will fail out again. Darn.....
I wish I could fault them. I wish I could just say...they are biased. But I have a negative history. Ppl have many reasons to doubt me, and I am very responsible for making my life harder than I want it to be. Through pure naivety. I cant wait until this time next year when I have afew semesters of good performance under my belt.
Enough Guilt trip, I am here to write so you know I am not away , I think about you all the time, and I have plenty of stories to share once I am done with school and can edit/post them. I am seriously considering renaming my blog, since I realized many ppl have the same title but cover totally different topics than I do. This is a blog reaching out to college drop outs. I need some idea's!!! We are special. We need a special blog name that gets to the point.
I am not dead...yet,
Meranda Fallen.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I can't be mad forever......
Sitting around my desk, looking at pictures from my days at WoffU melts my heart.
You never know how good you have it, how temporary it all is, until it is gone.
The wide open green spaces, beautiful architecture ( even for older crappy buildings), snow covered roads in the winter, and my days walking around campus as an undergrad.
Where I went back to on my weekends home from WoffU, was the other side of the tracks.
I remember the igloo afew freshmen built on the first snow day, my high school friend turned college roommate and the aroma of her cooking. I remember dorm food and learning the ins and outs of special menu day ( get their early, know what you want or you don't get ANY). Nights spent at the gym until 1am. Library until 2am. Sleep overs at other dorms once we found friends. Learning to open up to strange people, making a difference.
Finally feeling comfortable enough to walk through buildings on my way to class. Going to my first dance, my first party....damn. If I keep going on I'm gonna forget the utter hell I went through with incompetent advisers, uncaring TA's & professors, plus the constant stench of failure I carried around. I gained 60 lbs in college, and years later I still have about 30 lbs to go. I destroyed relationships with people I long to speak with now. I dropped out once, and on my semester back was told if I had just said something ( like I didn't call this person 5 times) I would have gotten another semester to prove myself, because my GPA was a 1.98 then.
I went through hell over a 1.98 GPA. I lost a job promotion to be shift supervisor, an opportunity to be a PAID student leader and a major dent in my transcript over a 1.98 . On my first semester back, I was so resentful I could not concentrate. About a year after that , I dropped out AGAIN. Why did I continue to pay money to attend a school that made it clear they didn't care about me.
Why do I STILL do that now?
I'm not one to get into the cult of college, but I will say this,
Cherish those years.
I know my blog can get quite melancholy, I am a struggling student after all. I am mad about how my life has turned out and how long it will take me to rectify my situation. I am mad that afew simple and stupid mistakes cost me years of hard work. I am mad that I didn't do the least of what was expected of me. I am mad that all the money has run out, and now I am scrambling to pay for school. I wonder if I would have enjoyed graduating on time AND being unemployment better that being a college drop out.
I am mad when I remember THIS and realize I am MUCH better than that, but where am I?
I am here, hoping I can see into the future, and that my mistakes will make me a better person. Some peoples lot in life will just be finding joy in pain.
I only want happy times for you all,
M.Fallen
You never know how good you have it, how temporary it all is, until it is gone.
The wide open green spaces, beautiful architecture ( even for older crappy buildings), snow covered roads in the winter, and my days walking around campus as an undergrad.
Where I went back to on my weekends home from WoffU, was the other side of the tracks.
I remember the igloo afew freshmen built on the first snow day, my high school friend turned college roommate and the aroma of her cooking. I remember dorm food and learning the ins and outs of special menu day ( get their early, know what you want or you don't get ANY). Nights spent at the gym until 1am. Library until 2am. Sleep overs at other dorms once we found friends. Learning to open up to strange people, making a difference.
Finally feeling comfortable enough to walk through buildings on my way to class. Going to my first dance, my first party....damn. If I keep going on I'm gonna forget the utter hell I went through with incompetent advisers, uncaring TA's & professors, plus the constant stench of failure I carried around. I gained 60 lbs in college, and years later I still have about 30 lbs to go. I destroyed relationships with people I long to speak with now. I dropped out once, and on my semester back was told if I had just said something ( like I didn't call this person 5 times) I would have gotten another semester to prove myself, because my GPA was a 1.98 then.
I went through hell over a 1.98 GPA. I lost a job promotion to be shift supervisor, an opportunity to be a PAID student leader and a major dent in my transcript over a 1.98 . On my first semester back, I was so resentful I could not concentrate. About a year after that , I dropped out AGAIN. Why did I continue to pay money to attend a school that made it clear they didn't care about me.
Why do I STILL do that now?
I'm not one to get into the cult of college, but I will say this,
Cherish those years.
I know my blog can get quite melancholy, I am a struggling student after all. I am mad about how my life has turned out and how long it will take me to rectify my situation. I am mad that afew simple and stupid mistakes cost me years of hard work. I am mad that I didn't do the least of what was expected of me. I am mad that all the money has run out, and now I am scrambling to pay for school. I wonder if I would have enjoyed graduating on time AND being unemployment better that being a college drop out.
I am mad when I remember THIS and realize I am MUCH better than that, but where am I?
I am here, hoping I can see into the future, and that my mistakes will make me a better person. Some peoples lot in life will just be finding joy in pain.
I only want happy times for you all,
M.Fallen
Friday, September 17, 2010
Friends Go AWAY
Watching friends grow up is fun, but it is hard when you can't enjoy it with them.
Well, I never watched them "grow up", I merely peered into a portion of their lives available on Facebook.
Well, I never watched them "grow up", I merely peered into a portion of their lives available on Facebook.
I suppose the worst part of not graduating on time , is watching all my friends get to do the kinds of things I wish I could. To be done with school, and finally move on in my relationships with friends and family.
Missing birthday parties, missing road trips , missing the hours of dress up before a night out on the town is not my idea of a good friend. Never being invited to a wedding, knowing darn well I will probably never get to be a bridesmaid to any of the people I once called "friends" is worrying. Wondering if I will ever get to feel like an adult makes me....
I often wonder how my friends afford it, perhaps by going into debt or turning to the Bank of "Parents" for cash. I do not think many of my friends work. Erica is finally getting serious about the boyfriend, Elsy Tee bought a new car, Tammy is an Engineer who likes to kayak in her spare time and three of my friends just changed their last names on Facebook.
I have vivid memories of our time on campus . I watched friendship flourish. A few lasted past college.
Talking with Laurita, an acquaintance who still keeps up with me, I realized you are lucky if you take from college just one good friend. Everyone else goes their separate ways. I asked her, how do we manage the changes in our relationships as we get older? Her advice was make time to see each other at least a few times a year, and play phone tag. What a good idea! I am already getting back to a few of my friends to plan a meet up on thanksgiving break, losing a few pounds and hopefully finding a job so the cost of seeing people I miss so much is defrayed and we can hang out.
Talking with Laurita, an acquaintance who still keeps up with me, I realized you are lucky if you take from college just one good friend. Everyone else goes their separate ways. I asked her, how do we manage the changes in our relationships as we get older? Her advice was make time to see each other at least a few times a year, and play phone tag. What a good idea! I am already getting back to a few of my friends to plan a meet up on thanksgiving break, losing a few pounds and hopefully finding a job so the cost of seeing people I miss so much is defrayed and we can hang out.
How do you keep up with your loves?
Regards,
Meranda Fallen
Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor talks life and the law
http://cspan.org/Watch/Media/2010/08/27/HP/R/37448/Supreme+Court+Justices+Discuss+Life+and+the+Law.aspx
I don't know how to embed the video for this, but here it the link.
I enjoy what she has to say about school and maybe you will too.
I encourage you to do the best in all you can!
I don't know how to embed the video for this, but here it the link.
I enjoy what she has to say about school and maybe you will too.
I encourage you to do the best in all you can!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
When College is the Fucking Worst Experince You have EVER had in your life
'When College Is Not the Best Time'
September 15, 2010
We've all heard the clichéd description of college as "the best years of your life." For those of us whose undergraduate years are a distant memory, the idea may seem ludicrous -- or, at least, too demoralizing to entertain -- but there's no denying that college students tend to enjoy an unusually high ratio of freedom to responsibility, and that many high schoolers come to anticipate a positively Elysian experience.
For some students, then, the reality of college comes as a rude shock, and one with which they're totally unprepared to cope. From psychiatric issues (which have become more common -- or at least more commonly identified -- among college students in recent years) to academic overload to plain old homesickness, many college students find themselves facing stress or unhappiness they didn't expect, from sources that may be totally new -- and they may not realize just how normal that is.
At least, that's the view taken by David Leibow, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry in Columbia University's College of Physicians and Surgeons and assistant attending psychiatrist at New York-Presbyterian Hospital and New York State Psychiatric Institute. Leibow's new book, What to Do When College Is Not the Best Time of Your Life (Columbia University Press), addresses some of the problems that students are most likely to face, and offers frank advice on how to handle them; the book also includes a final chapter intended for the parents of struggling students
Inside Higher Ed interviewed Leibow via e-mail to get his thoughts on the issues students are most likely to face, why they arise, and what can be done about them.
Q: What inspired you to write a book on this topic?
A: The inspiration for What to Do When College is Not the Best Time of Your Life began with a phone call from a distraught mother requesting an urgent appointment for her son, a college junior, who was coming home for the Thanksgiving vacation. "I've never seen him this way," she told me. "He's so depressed he's not sure if he can carry on."
I had received many phone calls like this one from distraught mothers over the years. And they all had two things in common: (1) their child was floundering in college to the point of despair; (2) the parents had no clue.
These were capable, motivated students, and loving, appropriately involved parents. So why were these kids floundering and why were they keeping their parents in the dark?
The answer, I realized, was shame. They were ashamed because they believed — wrongly — that they were the only one of their peers having problems. And they were ashamed because they believed — again wrongly — that as proto-adults they ought to be able to handle these problems on their own. Because of their shame, they didn't inform their parents that they were having problems, or ask for help from anyone at school. They buried their heads in the sand and hoped for the best until their problems became seemingly insurmountable.
I wrote my book for college students and their parents as an antidote to this shame. I wanted to reassure them that problems in college (as in the rest of life) are normal, to give them some insights and practical suggestions to deal with these problems, and to provide guidance on when to seek professional help.
Q: What are some of the primary reasons why college might not be the best time of a student's life?
A: There are many reasons that college is a disappointment: homesickness, relationship disappointments, financial worries, losses or conflicts at home, medical illnesses and the whole panoply of psychiatric disorders that arise when people are in their twenties — anxiety, depression, insomnia, body-image problems, etc.
But the biggest problem — both as cause and consequence of unhappiness in college — is academic floundering.
When asked by the 2009 American College Health Association-National College Health Assessment whether any experience in the past year had been traumatic or very difficult to handle, 44.2 percent of the students named academics. That number is 10 percent higher than any other stressor, including problems with finances or intimate relationships.
College students want to succeed. They want to fulfill their own ambitions and make their parents proud. If their grades are low, and especially if they're forced to delay graduation or drop out, they feel demoralized and ashamed. Plans for further education are scrapped; career aspirations are abandoned; life trajectories are thrown off-course. If they were meeting their own expectations academically and had a few friends, most college students would be happy. And they'd be in a better position to deal with the other challenges that inevitably come along.
Q: The book focuses on fairly major issues of mental and emotional well-being, along with academic problems. Of course, there are other reasons why a student might not be happy in college; how did you decide which topics to include?
A: I chose problems that were specific to college or, if not specific, were at least very common in college. So, for example, I spent considerable time on academic problems and insomnia but very little on schizophrenia or transgender issues. I avoided covering in detail topics that change rapidly and can be looked up easily online or in sources specifically devoted to those topics. For that reason, I discussed in depth the pros and cons of taking medication but didn't go much into the pros and cons of which medication to take.
I focused on clinical subjects, like laziness, friendship, romantic relationships, depression and body-image problems, where I have expertise and perhaps some fresh insights. And I eschewed subjects, such as the organization of student health services or the importance of remedial courses, in which I have no particular expertise, or where the issues are sociological or political rather than clinical. I discussed race but only as it pertains to identity formation and friendship not as it pertains to education policy. I discussed the cultural tyranny that equates thinness and beauty but offered no cultural remedies, except to reassure young women that they're not alone in feeling oppressed by it. I talked about the types and uses of therapy but also when therapy might be unnecessary or even harmful. I told parents how they can help their struggling students but not how to raise their children.
In short, I tried to focus on topics that I know well and on which I have something fresh to offer. And I tried to approach each topic from a sound, mainstream clinical perspective rather than from a polemical or encyclopedic one.
Q: The book details treatment options for various psychological problems commonly faced by college students, such as depression, anxiety, and insomnia; you even describe various medications for these disorders, and their individual advantages and drawbacks. Do you worry about college students being diagnosed or medicated too much?
A: The answer is yes — and no.
Let me start with the no. The truth is that most young people put on antidepressants and other common medications for depression, panic disorder, etc. get substantial benefit. College students are under tremendous time constraints. They can't wait months to feel better and most (certainly not all) medications have tolerable side effects and work quickly.
The decision to start a student on Lexapro (the most commonly prescribed medication), for example, is based on the presence of a set of persistent and debilitating symptoms — hopelessness, fatigue, impaired cognition, sleep and appetite disturbance, etc. — not on whether the depression was triggered by some traumatic event. This agnosticism about the relevance of ostensible causes is rightly disturbing to critics of medication who view as normal depression that arises in the context of, say, academic failure or parental divorce. Unfortunately for this viewpoint, the best scientific evidence supports the use of antidepressants in major depression even when there is a precipitating event.
Of course, the precipitating event needs to be addressed psychotherapeutically. But therapy and medication are not mutually exclusive. And needless to say, not all psychiatric or psychological problems need medication. Many respond to psychotherapy alone. (I go into the indications for therapy in detail in my book.)
It does concern me, however, when students are rebuked or mocked for "resorting" to medication to deal with psychiatric problems, especially when their suffering has consequences for their academic performance, self-confidence and future livelihoods. The treatment of serious psychiatric conditions is no place for puritanical nostrums about the ennobling or educational effects of misery.
But, to return to your question: yes, I do have concerns about the over-diagnosis and over-medication of college students.
My concerns are threefold:
(1) Many (not most, but many) clinical syndromes of college students are developmental. Though painful, and though sometimes resembling real psychiatric diagnoses like depression, they are the natural consequence of leaving childhood and beginning the transition to adulthood. They do not rise to the level of psychiatric disorder. They're self-limiting and crucial for psychological maturation.
The problem is that deciding whether a problem is a true psychiatric disorder or "merely" a developmental challenge requires considerable clinical sophistication. The consequences of making the wrong call are considerable on both sides. That's why students should find a skilled clinician to help them sort it out.
(2) Some psychiatric medications have troublesome side effects that produce their own set of problems. And sometimes those side-effect problems are as big as the problem they were prescribed to treat. Weight gain and loss of libido come to mind. So again it takes considerable clinical sophistication to weigh the pros and cons of medication, especially in marginal cases, and to help the student make an informed decision.
(3) Medication is a signifier of psychiatric illness. To the extent that students are using illness consciously or unconsciously as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or doing their schoolwork, psychiatric medication may delay the moment when they confront their academic or other difficulties.
The worst outcome of the inappropriate use of psychiatric medication would be that the student comes to see herself as an invalid and uses medication and all it symbolizes as a crutch.
Let me conclude by saying that these three caveats about using medication should be addressed in a respectful, informed dialogue between the student and a qualified psychiatrist. Most students and therapists will choose the correct treatment when given all the relevant facts and options.
Q: You write that psychiatrists and other therapists may make "the honest mistake of mislabeling work avoidance as psychological illness." Is this a common error? And how does one distinguish between the two?
A: This question returns us to the issue of shame.
As I've said, most students want to do well in college. But college students are no more exempt from procrastination, distractibility, perfectionism, grandiosity, wishful thinking, avoidance and just plain laziness than the rest of us. Before it becomes stimulating and rewarding, academic work is lonely, daunting, tedious, time-consuming, laborious, frustrating and unpleasant. In short academic work is work. Small wonder then that some students might try to avoid it. In high school they may be able to get away with not working. In college — not so much.
When they start to flounder, some college students will deal with their shame by using depression or ADD or substance abuse as an excuse. The vast majority of students with these ailments get better with treatment or accommodations. Only a few appropriately treated students don't get better. And some of those may be using their illness as a pretext for avoiding work or as a way to deal with their shame.
The fact that a few students use their illnesses as an excuse is not meant to give license to college professors to crack down on every kid who asks for an extension because they're being treated for depression. It's meant as a warning to students and therapists to face up to the possibility of malingering. Otherwise the student is in danger of believing his own rationalizations and becoming a chronic invalid.Q: "In my experience," you write, "most depressed college students who are doing poorly in school are depressed because they're doing poorly, not the other way around." How did you arrive at that conclusion? Is your stance an unusual one?
A: Most — but not all — of the cases of depression that I see in college students, especially in students who avoided work in high school and have no family history of depression, are the consequence not the cause of poor academic performance.
This was not what I had expected. Based on my experience with adults, I had expected the depression to be the cause not the consequence of the poor work performance.
Since my observation is anecdotal, it might not reflect the wider consensus. And certainly the depressions of college students have to be taken seriously regardless of whether they're primary or secondary. But based on experience with many students over thirty years, it makes sense to me that they would be the exceptions to the rule that depression precedes poor performance. The adjustment young people have to make in order to cope with college-level work is greater than any other transition they've hitherto had to make. Couple that with a history of poor work habits, high personal and parental expectations, withdrawal of the structure of high school, and a unique post-adolescent propensity for shame, and it becomes obvious why college students get depressed when they flounder academically — and why they might want to use "depression" as an excuse for why they're failing.
The young man I referred to above, whose mother phoned me just before Thanksgiving, was just such a case. He wanted to propose that his depression had caused his poor performance. But his history revealed only sporadic academic effort in elementary and high school and considerable time playing video games and procrastinating in college. Nevertheless, because of his shame, it took several months of psychotherapy before he could admit that he needed the "depression" as a sop to his conscience, and as an explanation to his parents and teachers, for why he wasn't performing.
It's worth noting that a psychotherapy that didn't deal with this so-to-speak malingering, would not have worked any better that medication to cure this depressive symptoms. Until he was able to face up to his shame about not doing his schoolwork — and begin to develop the discipline and structure he needed to succeed—he would not have been able to relinquish the excuse of depression. When he did do those things, the depression disappeared of its own accord.
This is a tricky, high-stakes clinical call. It's probably easier and less risky to go with the flow and treat the depression as an autonomous problem. The upside of doing so is that you won't under-treat any cases of major depression. The downside of treating the depression as cause rather than consequence of academic floundering is that the student might not push himself to buckle down, and perhaps never complete college.
Q: Should colleges be doing more to identify and assist unhappy or struggling students? What changes would you like to see?
A: The answer is a definite yes. I wrote a blog article in Psychology Today detailing why I think colleges should provide training on how to study at the college level. I won't repeat my whole argument here. But suffice it to say that if academic floundering is the biggest cause of college unhappiness (which it is) and if training on how to study would increase the likelihood that students would study (which it would), it's regrettable that universities don't provide this instruction.
In the meantime, there is nothing to stop professors from providing lecture notes before class and discussing how they and other specialists study and produce work in their particular disciplines. It would improve their own popularity and the success of their students if professors reached out to students who were skipping classes or failing to hand in assignments. There's also no reason that instructors can't give reading and other assignments that are meaningful and require a reasonable time to complete—and that they give quick and helpful feedback on those assignments.
Many college students have told me that their motivation and enthusiasm mirrors that of their professor. Professors who are unprepared, unenthusiastic, slow to return assignments, unduly harsh or unduly lax bring out the worst in their students. Professors who are prepared, enthusiastic, responsive and fair bring out the best.
http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2010/09/15/leibow
Friday, September 10, 2010
When the Past Comes to Haunt Me
I sat outside on a bench at Woof Uni Branch Campus, minding my own business when an old friend stopped by.
I have not seen Gwendoline since I was in middle school.
Said she came by to pick up something....the school lost a laptop and now wants to offer her identity protection at no cost for two years.
We chatted, detailing things like college drop outs, unwanted pregnancies, and missed opportunities.
I smiled, and thought, could I open up to her about my blog?
Her story is even more realistic than mine. Transferred to over three different schools in two states. More than 30K in student debt. Should have graduated a year ago. Had a baby. Only now getting her life back together.
She asked me about Shauna, an old nemesis from Middle school. I told her Shauna was in Med School at Woof University Research Hospital, perhaps on a scholarship or two. Still fat as ever, a little taller though.
Gwendoline told me about Veronica, a girl who seemed to quietly despise me, now an RN working at a local hospital. Flaunting new found wealth in volunteering to help a poorer family member pay for a wedding. She graduated from Woof University about a year ago.
I saw the hurt in Gwendoline's eyes. All I could do is encourage her, and give vague details about my own reasons for still being a student at Woof University. I'm a two time drop out, went to the same middle school as Shauna and Veronica,but could not handle being on my own.
I don't know what happened. We were all smart, talented and resourceful ppl. We all had nearly the same backgrounds, schools even. We all went our separate ways, some landing on our heads.
One thing is for sure, the successful ones had there @#$% together from the get-go. Now that Gwendoline and I have finally found our purpose, though worn out and teary eyed, we are on our way to better things.
Hopefully.....
I have not seen Gwendoline since I was in middle school.
Said she came by to pick up something....the school lost a laptop and now wants to offer her identity protection at no cost for two years.
We chatted, detailing things like college drop outs, unwanted pregnancies, and missed opportunities.
I smiled, and thought, could I open up to her about my blog?
Her story is even more realistic than mine. Transferred to over three different schools in two states. More than 30K in student debt. Should have graduated a year ago. Had a baby. Only now getting her life back together.
She asked me about Shauna, an old nemesis from Middle school. I told her Shauna was in Med School at Woof University Research Hospital, perhaps on a scholarship or two. Still fat as ever, a little taller though.
Gwendoline told me about Veronica, a girl who seemed to quietly despise me, now an RN working at a local hospital. Flaunting new found wealth in volunteering to help a poorer family member pay for a wedding. She graduated from Woof University about a year ago.
I saw the hurt in Gwendoline's eyes. All I could do is encourage her, and give vague details about my own reasons for still being a student at Woof University. I'm a two time drop out, went to the same middle school as Shauna and Veronica,but could not handle being on my own.
I don't know what happened. We were all smart, talented and resourceful ppl. We all had nearly the same backgrounds, schools even. We all went our separate ways, some landing on our heads.
One thing is for sure, the successful ones had there @#$% together from the get-go. Now that Gwendoline and I have finally found our purpose, though worn out and teary eyed, we are on our way to better things.
Hopefully.....
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Getting your feelings Hurt...
There is a tendency in Academia and public opinion to believe students who flunk out or who are "non -traditional" are :
Onerous
Stupid
Lazy
Undeserving
Worthless.
Undisciplined.
I have encountered a repetitive joke, whenever I would ask for help on where I could go, about jobs at McDonald's. How original, ppl with no degree's get work at MCDONALD'S!? I would believe my life was over, that I was not or never would be college material. Advises simply did not know what to do with me, and gave me the standard run around. Retake this class, Go to community college, Go to work, Just take a break. Seldom do I recall a college advisor having a sit down with me to ask what I want and what I dream of. I've had Advisers chuckle when I told them what I wanted to do ( business and later Pharmacy). I knew then that I would have to stay quiet about my dreams, work hard to advise myself, and find anyone willing to help and not judge . I have found a handful to ppl like this, and I continue to build up my support team. I suggest you do that as well. If your advisor does not seem to know what to say or do with you, find someone who can help!
Even today, doing what I do to create a space for ppl who had high hopes and dashed dreams, I still hear the whisper "Your NEVER gonna make your dreams come true, your GPA is too low and NO ONE will take you seriously".
yes, it is true that competition today is fierce, and that many opportunities for ppl who had it rough before may have dried up.
But for most college drop outs, the truth is there ARE no other viable options but to go to school and finish.
So when your advisor laughs at you, when random online posters tell you that McDonald's is hiring, when you cry and ask yourself why you keep doing this to yourself, realize
There is no where else to go but UP !!! When you get to that point you will know. I study with an "F*** YOU" attitude towards anyone who tells me I am worthless.
I hope this blog has been a help and hand holder for you!!
Peace,
Meranda Fallen
Onerous
Stupid
Lazy
Undeserving
Worthless.
Undisciplined.
I have encountered a repetitive joke, whenever I would ask for help on where I could go, about jobs at McDonald's. How original, ppl with no degree's get work at MCDONALD'S!? I would believe my life was over, that I was not or never would be college material. Advises simply did not know what to do with me, and gave me the standard run around. Retake this class, Go to community college, Go to work, Just take a break. Seldom do I recall a college advisor having a sit down with me to ask what I want and what I dream of. I've had Advisers chuckle when I told them what I wanted to do ( business and later Pharmacy). I knew then that I would have to stay quiet about my dreams, work hard to advise myself, and find anyone willing to help and not judge . I have found a handful to ppl like this, and I continue to build up my support team. I suggest you do that as well. If your advisor does not seem to know what to say or do with you, find someone who can help!
Even today, doing what I do to create a space for ppl who had high hopes and dashed dreams, I still hear the whisper "Your NEVER gonna make your dreams come true, your GPA is too low and NO ONE will take you seriously".
yes, it is true that competition today is fierce, and that many opportunities for ppl who had it rough before may have dried up.
But for most college drop outs, the truth is there ARE no other viable options but to go to school and finish.
So when your advisor laughs at you, when random online posters tell you that McDonald's is hiring, when you cry and ask yourself why you keep doing this to yourself, realize
There is no where else to go but UP !!! When you get to that point you will know. I study with an "F*** YOU" attitude towards anyone who tells me I am worthless.
I hope this blog has been a help and hand holder for you!!
Peace,
Meranda Fallen
The Purpose of School in 2000 and beyond....
Some advice for students going to school:
1. know your purpose for school- are you here to get rich, just learn, or what?
2.Go hard or Go Home - get A's or get out.
3. Think beyond College - what kind of life are you trying to lead AFTER all this?
Whenever you ignore these things, the good outcome that is suppose to come from college is jeopardized.
1. know your purpose for school- are you here to get rich, just learn, or what?
2.Go hard or Go Home - get A's or get out.
3. Think beyond College - what kind of life are you trying to lead AFTER all this?
Whenever you ignore these things, the good outcome that is suppose to come from college is jeopardized.
Elsy Tee
I am traveling around Woof Uni's branch campus, checking out posters, news and papers on campus. I come across Woof Uni's seasonal magazine. Mildly interested, I decide to pick it up and put it in my bag. I'm in a rush, and I need to catch the bus before I am stuck having to walk on hour back home. At the bus stop, I check the magazine and what do I see? Lets call her Elsy Tee . They did a profile of this kid, apparently she is one of Woof's shining jewels.
She:
Had a near 4.0 GPA
Received an outside scholarship in relation to her studies.
Did THREE paid internship at one corporation, which extended her a job where she now works.
Was a member of two honor societies and Woof Uni's Honors Program
Did research under a professor while at school
Won a prestigious state award.
In other words, Elsy was probably in the upper 5% of students at Woof. No wonder she studied SOOOO much when I met her. Of course she landed a job, she was among the best. Teachers dream of her, school want her around, employers want the young brilliance they can claim to mold. All that work in College was a wonderful investment that paid off. Notice how, unlike most college students who end up in terrible debt, she was going to school virtually free ( I don't know how large that scholarship was) and getting money ON TOP OF being in school ( through internships).
If you clicked on the link, you know I have a quiet fascination with Elsy. I used to know her in college, and never knew she had it going on like this until after her graduation. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had done the same things as her.
She:
Had a near 4.0 GPA
Received an outside scholarship in relation to her studies.
Did THREE paid internship at one corporation, which extended her a job where she now works.
Was a member of two honor societies and Woof Uni's Honors Program
Did research under a professor while at school
Won a prestigious state award.
In other words, Elsy was probably in the upper 5% of students at Woof. No wonder she studied SOOOO much when I met her. Of course she landed a job, she was among the best. Teachers dream of her, school want her around, employers want the young brilliance they can claim to mold. All that work in College was a wonderful investment that paid off. Notice how, unlike most college students who end up in terrible debt, she was going to school virtually free ( I don't know how large that scholarship was) and getting money ON TOP OF being in school ( through internships).
If you clicked on the link, you know I have a quiet fascination with Elsy. I used to know her in college, and never knew she had it going on like this until after her graduation. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had done the same things as her.
So, where am I now?
I decided to put together a time line of my college years, to get a better look at my academic progress:
Year 1
Fall - SCHOOL
Spring - SCHOOL
Year 2
Fall - SCHOOL ( which ends in academic dismissal)
Spring - Dismissal, retaking failed class for re-admit status
Year 3
Fall- I am readmitted, I start SCHOOL
spring- SCHOOL
Year 4
Fall- SCHOOL ( which ends with academic dismissal)
Spring- Dismissal, retaking failed class for re-admit status
Year 5
Fall- Dismissal, retaking failed class for re-admit status
Spring-Dismissal, retaking failed class for re-admit status
Obviously, I have been a student for a number of years, half the time dismissed ( euphemism for drop-out). Add all my semesters of "SCHOOL", which total 6, and I would considered a rising senior.
So whats wrong?
I have taken a total of 31 classes. Because I failed so many of them the first time around, I had to repeat about 8 of those classes. So that's time spend redoing about 25% of course work. I have 7 classes where my grades are D and Below, which does NOTHING for my academic progress towards graduation. That is about 22% of course work. In other words, about 50% of my classes so far have done nothing to put my anywhere near graduation.
This means, although I am much older than most students, although I have been in school for OVER 4 years, I am technically no better off than a first semester sophomore. . Oh, and I'm not even counting the number of classes I withdrew from before I flat out failed them ( which I believe total about 5).
Sigh,
I look at this and wonder what keeps me going? Why do I bother with school? Is it because I am afraid to leave? Is it because there are no jobs for a college drop out? Is college really just a babysitter for students betwixt and between adulthood? Is it because my parents will NOT accept a college dropout for a daughter and insist I continue trying no matter how long it takes me. The waste of money is colossal. I am emotionally drained.
This is embarrassing to write about, because I know many of you would never have been so lucky to bounce in and out of school like this. I have not told a single person what its been like and everyone asks when I am going to graduate. I avoid people because of this. I grew up as a church-mouse, so when I left for college my Sunday attendance went from 99.9% to 2%. Now that I am back home and people from the old church see me around, they wonder when I am graduating. My old High School friend are getting their graduate degree's on the same campus I am.
Their kids are starting college now!
I have considered walking an graduation day just to keep up appearances. Then continue going to school and pass it off as graduate study. But I know one of my parents is simply to daft to get it and will only want to go to the "real" graduation. In the mean time, whenever anyone asks when I will graduate, I simply say "in about a year", knowing darn well I am starting school over. My parents get asked by their friends what I am doing and when I will be done. I have told people a bunch of majors. I could easily disconnect from the community of people I live around, but my parents cannot. This is hard for everybody....
What the F*** else am I suppose to do?
Meranda Fallen
Year 1
Fall - SCHOOL
Spring - SCHOOL
Year 2
Fall - SCHOOL ( which ends in academic dismissal)
Spring - Dismissal, retaking failed class for re-admit status
Year 3
Fall- I am readmitted, I start SCHOOL
spring- SCHOOL
Year 4
Fall- SCHOOL ( which ends with academic dismissal)
Spring- Dismissal, retaking failed class for re-admit status
Year 5
Fall- Dismissal, retaking failed class for re-admit status
Spring-Dismissal, retaking failed class for re-admit status
Obviously, I have been a student for a number of years, half the time dismissed ( euphemism for drop-out). Add all my semesters of "SCHOOL", which total 6, and I would considered a rising senior.
So whats wrong?
I have taken a total of 31 classes. Because I failed so many of them the first time around, I had to repeat about 8 of those classes. So that's time spend redoing about 25% of course work. I have 7 classes where my grades are D and Below, which does NOTHING for my academic progress towards graduation. That is about 22% of course work. In other words, about 50% of my classes so far have done nothing to put my anywhere near graduation.
This means, although I am much older than most students, although I have been in school for OVER 4 years, I am technically no better off than a first semester sophomore. . Oh, and I'm not even counting the number of classes I withdrew from before I flat out failed them ( which I believe total about 5).
Sigh,
I look at this and wonder what keeps me going? Why do I bother with school? Is it because I am afraid to leave? Is it because there are no jobs for a college drop out? Is college really just a babysitter for students betwixt and between adulthood? Is it because my parents will NOT accept a college dropout for a daughter and insist I continue trying no matter how long it takes me. The waste of money is colossal. I am emotionally drained.
This is embarrassing to write about, because I know many of you would never have been so lucky to bounce in and out of school like this. I have not told a single person what its been like and everyone asks when I am going to graduate. I avoid people because of this. I grew up as a church-mouse, so when I left for college my Sunday attendance went from 99.9% to 2%. Now that I am back home and people from the old church see me around, they wonder when I am graduating. My old High School friend are getting their graduate degree's on the same campus I am.
Their kids are starting college now!
I have considered walking an graduation day just to keep up appearances. Then continue going to school and pass it off as graduate study. But I know one of my parents is simply to daft to get it and will only want to go to the "real" graduation. In the mean time, whenever anyone asks when I will graduate, I simply say "in about a year", knowing darn well I am starting school over. My parents get asked by their friends what I am doing and when I will be done. I have told people a bunch of majors. I could easily disconnect from the community of people I live around, but my parents cannot. This is hard for everybody....
What the F*** else am I suppose to do?
Meranda Fallen
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Micheal Steele Turns $h!t around
C-SPAN's Students and Leaders RNC Chairman Michael Steele
I spent a good five minutes looking for this video, because it touched me to find another person so honest about failure. Granted , I was not having a ball like he was, and I have not yet reached an enviable pinnacle of success that makes the telling of my failures basically mute, but still.
When I dropped out, I was crying on the phone when I had to tell my mom and shaking when I had to tell my dad. But I had the same determined as hell mom who would not let me "tun cruff". Sigh....just watch the video.
What was your experience like?
I spent a good five minutes looking for this video, because it touched me to find another person so honest about failure. Granted , I was not having a ball like he was, and I have not yet reached an enviable pinnacle of success that makes the telling of my failures basically mute, but still.
When I dropped out, I was crying on the phone when I had to tell my mom and shaking when I had to tell my dad. But I had the same determined as hell mom who would not let me "tun cruff". Sigh....just watch the video.
What was your experience like?
Monday, August 16, 2010
Micheal Mayson in "Black White Other: Biracial Americans Talk About Race and Identity"
This is an excerpt, taken from Micheal Mayson, who is featured in "Black White Other: Biracial Americans Talk About Race and Identity" by Lise Funderburg:
" After High school, I wanted to be a doctor, for a lot of different reasons...but my mind wasn't sophisticated enough to process all that, so I went to the University of Michigan and pursued my medical career, and I didn’t make it very far.
I didn’t make it very far for a lot of reasons. One was because, I didn’t know it at the time, some people suspected it, but I was probably in the middle stages of...alcoholism, and two, because I wasn’t ready. This was the world, University of Michigan was the world, and there were a whole lot of white people up there who didn’t give a fuck about anything other than going to class and getting their grades. Not that there's anything wrong with that , but I was still into being a little social boy, and there’s no time to be social when chem 123 and math 113 are knocking you on your [ expletive] butt.
You got time to crack your book, eat some lunch, crack your book, eat some dinner, crack you book, and maybe go to sleep. So to make a long story even longer , my grades started really [ expletive] up and I started [ expletive] up and the worse my academic career got was inversely proportional to my drinking career.
By the first semester of my third year, I was kicked out. I just squeaked past my first year; I think I had a 1.99 first semester, and was put on academic probation. Shocked the [ expletive] out of me, because I’d always done B work, without working, so to work my ass off and get a 1.9-Yo!". ( Funderburg 230-231).
Despite the fact that nearly 1/3 of freshman drop out of college, and about half don’t graduate at all ( let alone on time) it is still a challenge to find stories about their experiences. The image is always of the college graduate, never the college dropout.
Despite his big dreams, he realizes to late that he was taking on a little too much to chew. Unprepared for the academic commitment, he flunks out, and starts a downward spiral of alcohol, depression and low grades. Many reading this would be surprised at how many kids leave college alcoholics. How he rides the wave of academic probation is a mystery for me. I either flunk out or get top grades. It has caused me ALOT of pain....
For many, college is a social experience. The first taste of freedom, little supervision and self-determination. However, The incredible focus and dedication in High School rarely carries over to college, where it is most needed. I remember my parents dropping me off at college and my mother asking why so many kids were walking around so late at night. My father replies "where some of these kids are from, their parents don't let them walk around at all". That's just how it is....
To quote Mr.Mayson:
"You got time to crack your book, eat some lunch, crack your book, eat some dinner, crack you book, and maybe go to sleep"
I think I will write that in big letters and put it on my wall...
" After High school, I wanted to be a doctor, for a lot of different reasons...but my mind wasn't sophisticated enough to process all that, so I went to the University of Michigan and pursued my medical career, and I didn’t make it very far.
I didn’t make it very far for a lot of reasons. One was because, I didn’t know it at the time, some people suspected it, but I was probably in the middle stages of...alcoholism, and two, because I wasn’t ready. This was the world, University of Michigan was the world, and there were a whole lot of white people up there who didn’t give a fuck about anything other than going to class and getting their grades. Not that there's anything wrong with that , but I was still into being a little social boy, and there’s no time to be social when chem 123 and math 113 are knocking you on your [ expletive] butt.
You got time to crack your book, eat some lunch, crack your book, eat some dinner, crack you book, and maybe go to sleep. So to make a long story even longer , my grades started really [ expletive] up and I started [ expletive] up and the worse my academic career got was inversely proportional to my drinking career.
By the first semester of my third year, I was kicked out. I just squeaked past my first year; I think I had a 1.99 first semester, and was put on academic probation. Shocked the [ expletive] out of me, because I’d always done B work, without working, so to work my ass off and get a 1.9-Yo!". ( Funderburg 230-231).
Despite the fact that nearly 1/3 of freshman drop out of college, and about half don’t graduate at all ( let alone on time) it is still a challenge to find stories about their experiences. The image is always of the college graduate, never the college dropout.
Despite his big dreams, he realizes to late that he was taking on a little too much to chew. Unprepared for the academic commitment, he flunks out, and starts a downward spiral of alcohol, depression and low grades. Many reading this would be surprised at how many kids leave college alcoholics. How he rides the wave of academic probation is a mystery for me. I either flunk out or get top grades. It has caused me ALOT of pain....
For many, college is a social experience. The first taste of freedom, little supervision and self-determination. However, The incredible focus and dedication in High School rarely carries over to college, where it is most needed. I remember my parents dropping me off at college and my mother asking why so many kids were walking around so late at night. My father replies "where some of these kids are from, their parents don't let them walk around at all". That's just how it is....
To quote Mr.Mayson:
"You got time to crack your book, eat some lunch, crack your book, eat some dinner, crack you book, and maybe go to sleep"
I think I will write that in big letters and put it on my wall...
IPOAE- Imagination
I like using my challenges to keep me focused, but sometimes I like to day dream and keep my life and future. Here is a glimpse:
I imagine I am a Pharmacy student. I study diligently. I do not worry about the cost of school because I have secured a scholarship, generous grants and am eligible for a small part-time student job. On good terms with my professors, I do specific research under one of them.
My slim, well dressed frame and long black hair shimmer in the sunlight of the Library, where I am seen studying for class and using resources for my pharmacy research grant. Occasionally I can be seen walking on the beautiful Woof University main campus or in the student union, but If I am not in the library then I am in the lab.
I stay in shape by dancing, exercising in my single-bed dorm room, or I take the time to swim in the gym. I have mastered the art of the "student meal plan diet" and have managed to keep weight off despite high stress levels. I have made new friends and spend what time I can with them. I have accomplished a goal of learning how to drive the buses at Woof University, something I have wanted to do on this huge campus since I was a freshman many years ago.
As a member of Rho Chi and SNPha, I excell as a student. I have secured a summer internship at a company I would like to work for, knowing darn well my future job depends on the " Who, what, when, where, why and How" of my internships.
Every day I eat right, study and go to class without fail. My grades show my effort and I keep my anxiety in check. I am an unbelievable success story. Having failed college, I am now a member of the Woof University class of 2020, perusing the joint Pharm.D /MBA program. It wasn't easy, I had to learn the hard way how to be a responsible student. If you aren't among the best, you are wasting your time and money in school.
I feel happy with myself. In my late 20's, I finally have my shit together. I have the college experience I always desired ( scholarships, distinctions and opportunities) and a bright future ahead with as a Doctor of Pharmacy and Master of Business Administration . I want to work in industry, a hospital or academia but who know what will happen!?
I imagine I am a Pharmacy student. I study diligently. I do not worry about the cost of school because I have secured a scholarship, generous grants and am eligible for a small part-time student job. On good terms with my professors, I do specific research under one of them.
My slim, well dressed frame and long black hair shimmer in the sunlight of the Library, where I am seen studying for class and using resources for my pharmacy research grant. Occasionally I can be seen walking on the beautiful Woof University main campus or in the student union, but If I am not in the library then I am in the lab.
I stay in shape by dancing, exercising in my single-bed dorm room, or I take the time to swim in the gym. I have mastered the art of the "student meal plan diet" and have managed to keep weight off despite high stress levels. I have made new friends and spend what time I can with them. I have accomplished a goal of learning how to drive the buses at Woof University, something I have wanted to do on this huge campus since I was a freshman many years ago.
As a member of Rho Chi and SNPha, I excell as a student. I have secured a summer internship at a company I would like to work for, knowing darn well my future job depends on the " Who, what, when, where, why and How" of my internships.
Every day I eat right, study and go to class without fail. My grades show my effort and I keep my anxiety in check. I am an unbelievable success story. Having failed college, I am now a member of the Woof University class of 2020, perusing the joint Pharm.D /MBA program. It wasn't easy, I had to learn the hard way how to be a responsible student. If you aren't among the best, you are wasting your time and money in school.
I feel happy with myself. In my late 20's, I finally have my shit together. I have the college experience I always desired ( scholarships, distinctions and opportunities) and a bright future ahead with as a Doctor of Pharmacy and Master of Business Administration . I want to work in industry, a hospital or academia but who know what will happen!?
Why Pharmacy School ?
I am debating in my head why I have a fixation on pharmacy school.
Especially since, the demands on me academically are treacherous and I have never shown any particular interest in medicine beyond "well, look at how interesting that is".
I don't read medical journals, I don't think about medicine, I don't frequent blogs or sites about pharmacy.
I worry If I am confusing image with reality.
I want to be the person I imagined I would be many years ago, as a High School graduate. If you asked me at 18 what my 20's would be like, I would have said I would be prosperous, with a job , a car and my own apartment all paid for with my own money. I would be "the miracle", the kid who wasn't suppose to make it but did. I could see myself sitting behind a wooden desk, smiling into the camera as I have my picture taken for a generic article " urban/woman success" or something like that.
If you told me I would be a two time college drop out with a GPA I never know existed, I would have considered you evil.
Freshman year of college I had dreams of getting into the honors program, dean's list, graduating with cum laude designations, and getting into a national honor society. I would spend hours on WoffU's website, digging and emailing people about special programs. I fell for the smiling faces, welcoming pictures of paternalistic teachers.I still do that now actually...
I would make up for the shame I felt at being a good student in HS, but never once going to the First Students breakfast or getting into Nat'l honors Society . I never got a golden cord at my HS graduation. . ( I did make honor roll numerous times however ).
I never knew students could fail classes. I just never understood students could dropout of college . That you could not return because you don't have anymore money. In my world, ppl just went to school, worked hard, and everything else would fall into place. The school looked out for students, who were valuable in that they paid tuition and did work. I never knew any high school drop outs. That shit happened to other people who were just stupid, lazy or had parents who "didn't care enough".
Symptoms of a protected childhood I guess....
So I want a do over!! I want to go to pharmacy school. I think that's it.
Mom warned me how hard pharm school would be, but I want to give myself the chance to see if I COULD make it. Do I have my shit together enough to give it an honest go?
The nice thing about Pharm school is that it's competitive and admission is restricted to students who pass about two years of math and science classes plus a national exam, so you have a strong idea about what its like going into it.
You cannot choose pharmacy school and NOT know what you are getting into. Unlike the mess I brought on myself switching majors so often I failed out of school because I didn't really know what I was getting myself into.
So If I gush about pharmacy school on this blog and then seem suddenly cold, you know why.
=D
I am trying,
M.Fallen
Especially since, the demands on me academically are treacherous and I have never shown any particular interest in medicine beyond "well, look at how interesting that is".
I don't read medical journals, I don't think about medicine, I don't frequent blogs or sites about pharmacy.
I worry If I am confusing image with reality.
I want to be the person I imagined I would be many years ago, as a High School graduate. If you asked me at 18 what my 20's would be like, I would have said I would be prosperous, with a job , a car and my own apartment all paid for with my own money. I would be "the miracle", the kid who wasn't suppose to make it but did. I could see myself sitting behind a wooden desk, smiling into the camera as I have my picture taken for a generic article " urban/woman success" or something like that.
If you told me I would be a two time college drop out with a GPA I never know existed, I would have considered you evil.
Freshman year of college I had dreams of getting into the honors program, dean's list, graduating with cum laude designations, and getting into a national honor society. I would spend hours on WoffU's website, digging and emailing people about special programs. I fell for the smiling faces, welcoming pictures of paternalistic teachers.I still do that now actually...
I would make up for the shame I felt at being a good student in HS, but never once going to the First Students breakfast or getting into Nat'l honors Society . I never got a golden cord at my HS graduation. . ( I did make honor roll numerous times however ).
I never knew students could fail classes. I just never understood students could dropout of college . That you could not return because you don't have anymore money. In my world, ppl just went to school, worked hard, and everything else would fall into place. The school looked out for students, who were valuable in that they paid tuition and did work. I never knew any high school drop outs. That shit happened to other people who were just stupid, lazy or had parents who "didn't care enough".
Symptoms of a protected childhood I guess....
So I want a do over!! I want to go to pharmacy school. I think that's it.
Mom warned me how hard pharm school would be, but I want to give myself the chance to see if I COULD make it. Do I have my shit together enough to give it an honest go?
The nice thing about Pharm school is that it's competitive and admission is restricted to students who pass about two years of math and science classes plus a national exam, so you have a strong idea about what its like going into it.
You cannot choose pharmacy school and NOT know what you are getting into. Unlike the mess I brought on myself switching majors so often I failed out of school because I didn't really know what I was getting myself into.
So If I gush about pharmacy school on this blog and then seem suddenly cold, you know why.
=D
I am trying,
M.Fallen
Envy leads to a Do Over
She was a random friend I met. Foreign Language Class I was taking for self enrichment. Same Dorm . Good buddy. Studied hard.
I always manage to find people who are excellent students. Nerds gravitate towards me. Dunno why.
As I got to know her, I was impressed with her work ethic. She invited me to her dorm room to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion show. As I entered her room, she was studying. When we would walk from class, she was reciting her speech for Public Speaking 101. She always seemed to score A's on tests. It seemed almost natural, until I saw it up close and personal.
I slowly put the pieces together. She was an honors student. At least two days a week she research that she called a "job", telling me " Its not busy work...more like original research". She was a member of an honor society, I found out as she would complain to me how she hated having to tutor as part of membership. She had a PAID internship- about 30,000 each summer, which I found out at dinner when a stranger decided to join us and flirt up the table. Not only that, but when "Woof" University sends a mass email telling us about tuition increases, she said she could care less, she was going for a scholarship that would cover the increase and then some. She got it.
Her gift is what made the most sense
Weeks before Christmas break, she tells me she has bought a computer for her family. The extra money came from a research grant she had received and if she didn't use all the money they would take it away. So why not buy a computer as a family gift? Did I tell you this girl isn't christian?
I WAS ENVIOUS!!
Not petty envious. Not " I can't stand her guts" envious. Just sad and confused. My family could really use a computer. My mom could really use a break from paying my tuition. I need a new cell phone and some money for my bank account.I am perpetually broke.
She inspired me, look at all I could get if I just studied more. A scholarship, research grants, honor society member ships...perhaps a paid internship if I changed my major to something I actually like and is useful.
Like many college drop outs, I want a "DO OVER". I want the chance to prove I can be among the best students, ever since I graduated High school. You probably do too. You probably know students just like the one I am describing, and they are inspiring. I want you to be more inspired than I am, and to make your own list of improvements to your education. Here is mine:
My list of improvement:
1. Attain a scholarhship - cut down on cost of college
2. Determine research interests - perhaps do original research
3. Secure a paid internship in field of interest - make money, feel like an adult
4. Learn to study well and pass exams - to gain all my goals
5. Join the "3.0 Society"- Raise my Cumulative GPA to a 3.0 and maintain higher for my major.
My friend recently graduated from college (in four years) and has great paying work at a major corporation. All that hard work paid off handsomely and I wish her the best in the future, as I do you!!
I always manage to find people who are excellent students. Nerds gravitate towards me. Dunno why.
As I got to know her, I was impressed with her work ethic. She invited me to her dorm room to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion show. As I entered her room, she was studying. When we would walk from class, she was reciting her speech for Public Speaking 101. She always seemed to score A's on tests. It seemed almost natural, until I saw it up close and personal.
I slowly put the pieces together. She was an honors student. At least two days a week she research that she called a "job", telling me " Its not busy work...more like original research". She was a member of an honor society, I found out as she would complain to me how she hated having to tutor as part of membership. She had a PAID internship- about 30,000 each summer, which I found out at dinner when a stranger decided to join us and flirt up the table. Not only that, but when "Woof" University sends a mass email telling us about tuition increases, she said she could care less, she was going for a scholarship that would cover the increase and then some. She got it.
Her gift is what made the most sense
Weeks before Christmas break, she tells me she has bought a computer for her family. The extra money came from a research grant she had received and if she didn't use all the money they would take it away. So why not buy a computer as a family gift? Did I tell you this girl isn't christian?
I WAS ENVIOUS!!
Not petty envious. Not " I can't stand her guts" envious. Just sad and confused. My family could really use a computer. My mom could really use a break from paying my tuition. I need a new cell phone and some money for my bank account.I am perpetually broke.
She inspired me, look at all I could get if I just studied more. A scholarship, research grants, honor society member ships...perhaps a paid internship if I changed my major to something I actually like and is useful.
Like many college drop outs, I want a "DO OVER". I want the chance to prove I can be among the best students, ever since I graduated High school. You probably do too. You probably know students just like the one I am describing, and they are inspiring. I want you to be more inspired than I am, and to make your own list of improvements to your education. Here is mine:
My list of improvement:
1. Attain a scholarhship - cut down on cost of college
2. Determine research interests - perhaps do original research
3. Secure a paid internship in field of interest - make money, feel like an adult
4. Learn to study well and pass exams - to gain all my goals
5. Join the "3.0 Society"- Raise my Cumulative GPA to a 3.0 and maintain higher for my major.
My friend recently graduated from college (in four years) and has great paying work at a major corporation. All that hard work paid off handsomely and I wish her the best in the future, as I do you!!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Moving Forward.
I enjoy business alot.
Even considered majoring in it.
What I realized only later on, is that a business degree does not teach you how to run a business.
You need marketable skills to do that. A business degree only teaches you how to work for another person.
As much as I want to , I dont think I have it in me to start my own business. I would be too concerned about pressing issues like...money.
You are an entrePOORnuer before you are an entreprenuer!
My goal now is to learn a marketable skill. Maybe then go into business.And that skill might as well be in the science/medical field. My other love/hate relationship.
Even considered majoring in it.
What I realized only later on, is that a business degree does not teach you how to run a business.
You need marketable skills to do that. A business degree only teaches you how to work for another person.
As much as I want to , I dont think I have it in me to start my own business. I would be too concerned about pressing issues like...money.
You are an entrePOORnuer before you are an entreprenuer!
My goal now is to learn a marketable skill. Maybe then go into business.And that skill might as well be in the science/medical field. My other love/hate relationship.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Time flies when not paying attention
I have more to write about in terms of school, culture and volunteering. getting my feet on the ground in terms of growing up and working. More details soon too come!
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